It takes me about 17 minutes to sign into my Japanese online banking website. Not only does it use a Security keyboard, which makes you click every character while signing in, if you purposely UN-check that option, a message box appears. ATTENTION! You are about to be UNSAFE! Are you SURE that you clicked the check box intending to be UNSAFE? (insert a deep feeling of guilt and pressure…).


Screenshot: Author

After that, it’s in to Phase 2 of sign in, where you need to have a second ‘Security Code Card’ to type in characters that coincide with a particular grid pattern. You know, just to be extra safe – using a Security Keyboard for that too, no less.

By the time I’m signed in, sometimes I have forgotten what exactly I wanted to do. Who needs money? I could almost live without money if I could avoid this process.

I won’t even mention the ‘opening hours’ of ATMs. They close before dinner time. What purpose would there be to have an ATM available after the bank itself is closed? That’s just silly. Something might… happen – and that would be embarrassing. [Ok, looks like I did mention it]

If only there was a ‘Japanese Bank Security System’ for the Internet! You could access it for just 8 hours a day and only if you could pass the sign in test while containing your rage. Every click you made would pop up a message asking if you were REALLY sure you wanted to post that distasteful status update about your co-worker [OK] and a second warning notifying you that your co-worker was, in fact, your online ‘friend’ who could read the update. [OK]


As I’m sure most people would, I equate online privacy with nutrition. About as many people are likely to care/worry about their online information as they do about eating well.

Cook24v via Compfight cc

Reading the fine print

How many people read the user agreements on any software they install or any online account they make? Does anyone really know what information is being collected? Probably less than the number of people that check the nutrition labels to look at where all the calories are coming from and how many crazy additives they are enjoying.

Just today, I did a quick search of the model number of my sunglasses to replace the temple tips. Within 3 minutes I had an email from eBay advertising a sale on Ray Bans. That is freaky.

Have a Dorito and protect yourself.

Ignoring reality

‘HTTPS? What’s the S for? Why would I need that? I’ll be ok signing into this sketchy site asking me to do a survey and give my personal info to win a free iPad! I really want a new iPad! Nothing bad could possibly happen to ME.’

‘I was good today. I only had one can of Pepsi and I took the stairs to my third floor office where I sat at the computer all day. I deserve a big cheesecake slice for desert!’

Cashing in through Marketing

Is your computer slow and lagging? It must be infested with spyware and other things you’ve never heard of! Quick, buy this program and ‘clean out your system’! Take back your security — and your sanity!

Want to lose weight fast and keep it off without doing any kind of physical activity? I bet you do! Try these Superephedracaffeinehyperpsycholipo FUEL BURNING capsules! (trademark pending).


Featured Image Photo Credit: g4ll4is cc